Ex-wife asks dad to use the money he saved for his 12-year-old son on her other kid's cancer treatments, dad refuses: 'I told her I had a duty to my son and not her other children'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Nov 3, 2024 1:00 PM EST

Did your parents tell you never to discuss money and politics with others? When I was younger, I thought that was a stringent set of rules to place on yourself, but as time has passed, it makes more and more sense why it's not always advisable to discuss such personal things. Unless you're married or going to marry someone, there's no reason someone in your life should know precisely how much money is in your savings account. An acquaintance or even a close friend knowing such specifics can lead to resentment that neither one of you bargained for. 

It's one thing to discuss money, but asking for someone else's money, especially when it's multiple thousand dollars, is totally out of line, no matter the circumstances. The dad in this story has been saving money for his son for years, and when his ex asked for the money for her other kid's medical treatment, he drew a firm line in the sand. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10423541248
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITA for refusing to allow my ex access to money I saved for our son?
    via u/No-Narwhal3759
  • 03
    My ex and I (both 30) share a 12 year old son. We broke up when our son was 4 weeks old. We shared physical custody from the time he was 14 months and I had visitation prior (as is standard because our son was breastfed). And when our son was 4 my ex remarried. My ex now has 4 additional children with her husband. And this is where her wish for access to that money comes from. I saved for my son and set up an account that only I can access for right now. My was never a part of this so I never ad
    via u/No-Narwhal3759
  • 04
    One of my ex's children was diagnosed with a rare type of cancer. Their household has seen a lot of changes and my son has struggled with those changes. I pick up the difference where I can. So my son still goes to his activities (paid for by me), I put extra in his lunch account at school so he can always get a school lunch (his preference over a packed lunch from home) and I went a little bigger for Christmas, which I always start buying early.
    via u/No-Narwhal3759
  • 05
    My son always knew I saved for his future. He mentioned it to his mom after his mom said they were pulling all finances on their end, including anything put aside for the futures of him and his half siblings. This brought my ex to me and she asked how much I saved which I refused to tell her. She asked me for access to the account and I said no. She suggested I should give it to her so it can go toward funding all the help they need to cover the cost of a sick child and I refused. My ex tried to
    via u/No-Narwhal3759
  • 06
    My ex ended up sending me a breakdown of what they want the money for. I did look over it but only after I told her I would not take our sons money and give it to her for her other child. I told her I had a duty to my son and not her other children. Ex started calling me names so I ended the call. She then sent me a text asking me how I could say no to helping a child who's sick. I told her that their sick child was not my responsibility and my responsibility is to ensure our son has a good life
    via u/No-Narwhal3759
  • 07
    My son has not had to deal with any of the fallout (so far/hopefully never). But ex has sent several texts since and her husband sent a few of his own. AITA?
    via u/No-Narwhal3759
  • 08
    Beautiful-Peak399 •4h ago • NTA. Have you considered increasing your custody? It sounds like your son is going to be put in the middle and possibly guilt-tripped about this which could make things awkward at their house, especially with the other siblings.
    via u/Beautiful-Peak399
  • 09
    No-Narwhal3759 OP We're building up a file right now in case it gets to that point. But my lawyer says we are not there and would anger a judge more than anything if we made an attempt over what has happened so far.
    via u/No-Narwhal3759
  • 10
    Dlraetz1 Have you just talked to your ex and suggested that during this difficult time you take primary custody and she has your son when she can? You can frame it as a time and cost reduction for her
    via u/Dlraetz1
  • 11
    No-Narwhal3759 OP My ex and I don't get along well enough without this added stress for that to be a conversation that would end with her becoming more angry and accusing me of trying to take our son from her.
    via u/No-Narwhal3759
  • 12
    Kukka63 NTA, I can understand that your ex is in a financial difficulty but to expect you to give the money, you saved for your son, is outrageous.
    via u/Kukka63
  • 13
    No-Narwhal3759 OP Yes and it's not something they can realistically say they will pay back. Not that she said that. But even if she did, she couldn't guarantee he would have it for whatever future he makes for himself. It would be all on me to build back up and I refuse to let that happen. My son deserves all I can give him.
    via u/No-Narwhal3759
  • 14
    MaddyKet Send them back a link for the GoFundMe homepage. That's what they really need, not to take everything from their other son. NTA
    via u/MaddyKet
  • 15
    lamMaggieMoo NTA - whilst sad it does not change the fact that the child is not yours and not your responsibility. She wants to be careful that she doesn't end up alienating her other kids with her actions.
    via u/lamMaggieMoo
  • 16
    No-Narwhal3759 OP I don't know about her other children but I see signs of it with our son already. Which is sad because he was very close to his mom until a few months ago.
    via u/No-Narwhal3759
  • 17
    Silaquix NTA I would only communicate through text and email and if she keeps harassing you about money I'd take those texts to a lawyer. Instead of robbing her kids and harassing you for money, she should be applying for charities and government assistance. There are tons of programs specifically for these situations.
    via u/Silaquix
  • 18
    She's absolutely going to alienate all her other kids this way though. Personally I'd send her the definition of glass child and tell her to look up stories on reddit from people that grew up in the same situation. Most of the time they end up hating and resenting their parents and the sick sibling.
    via u/Silaquix
  • 19
    No-Narwhal3759 OP I already have. We started a file with all of this.
    via u/No-Narwhal3759
  • 20
    genescheesesthatplz No, He should absolutely not send her info on glass children or anything else she can use to claim he's criticizing her parenting. His job is raising his son, not trying to correct how his ex parent. It will go terribly. It will add fuel to an already blazing fire.
    via u/genescheesesthatplz
  • 21
    Reasonable-Sale8611 I think I understand what's happening here. In the mind of your ex, her children should share a pool of resources. She decides, using her own judgment, how the resources should be shared within that pool. In this situation, she has decided that her ill child should get preferential access to resources. You see your shared child as "my child." She sees your shared child as "one of my children." So in her mind, any resources you provide for your shared child, should go into the
    via u/Reasonable-Sale8611
  • 22
    Obviously this sounds ridiculous because it IS ridiculous. Your child might be one of her five children, but the resources YOU provide for YOUR child are nothing to do with her other children. She has no right to take YOUR resources that you have designated for YOUR child, and to redistribute those resources to her other children. ΝΤΑ
    via u/Reasonable-Sale8611
  • 23
    briomio Instruct your son to not discuss this account with his mom or stepfather. Involving a child is these discussions and trying to put a guilt trip on him is criminal. I understand that St. Jude's Hospital treats children with cancer for free - why isn't she pursuing that avenue?
    via u/briomio
  • 24
    No-Narwhal3759 OP I don't know. I'm not even sure where they are meant to be going for this treatment they are getting money together for.
    via u/No-Narwhal3759
  • 25
    Cali-GirlSB •4h ago • Keep everything as proof (print off screen shots/dates) because they're going to go off the rails soon, bet on it. Use this in your favor. Concentrate on ~your~ kid and ignore the ex. NTA.
    via u/Cali-GirlSB

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family drama saving money reddit story financial dad ex wife cancer divorce family reddit thread ex husband Reddit mom money son custody
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